Full Price, Half the Thrill
The High Cost of Growing Up (at a Theme Park)
There was a time when a theme park ticket felt like a golden passport to adventure. But somewhere between childhood and adulthood, these places decided that if you're not pushing a stroller, your experience should revolve around craft beer gardens and seasonal festivals that serve more flavor than thrills.
So, I have to ask: When did being an adult at a theme park mean paying full price for half the fun?
From Fairy Tales to Flights of Beer
Places like Disney and Universal have mastered the art of marketing to adults, just not in the way some of us hoped. Instead of embracing the full spectrum of joy that comes with immersing yourself in a world of fantasy, "adult fun" is now served as a flight of IPAs or with a lanyard and prepaid tasting card. Suddenly, the most thrilling part of the day is trying to navigate crowded pathways with a tiny paper boat of truffle fries.
Take, for instance, the upcoming GEO-82 lounge at EPCOT. Set to open later this year, this adults-only venue promises "innovative cocktails and exquisite small plates," all while offering "scenic views" of the park. Cute for others, but being California-sober, I have zero interest in shelling out extra for an experience that feels like the waiting area for a high-end airport lounge.
Let's be clear: I'm not anti-booze. I fully support a well-placed mid-day cocktail, especially if it makes standing in a 90-minute queue more bearable. But when parks assume that the only thing adults want is an elevated dining experience and a few roller coasters, they're missing the point.
Where's the Camp, Where's the Joy?
Here's the thing: queer people know how to have fun. We don't need an excuse to belt along to the parade or wave at a princess like we’re meeting Beyoncé. Drag queens, Disney gays, theater kids who grew up into theme park adults—we understand joy. It's unapologetic, it’s camp, and it's ours. But now, even that is under threat.
Take Legoland California, for example. They've slashed nearly 100% of their entertainment workforce, leaving just ten people—including stage managers and tech roles. All those performances that used to breathe life into the park? Gone. The magic that made it feel like a celebration is now reduced to a bare minimum, and what are we left with? Bare-bones attractions for kids, while adults can shop for rare LEGO sets in the gift shop.
And it doesn't stop there. The Disneyland Resort has confirmed that the Avengers Assemble stunt show in Avengers Campus will have its final performance on April 5, 2025. For years, adults and kids alike have flocked to see the epic action featuring Captain America and Black Widow. But now? It's being taken away. In a world where theme parks are increasingly catering to food, drink, and retail, adult-centered experiences—those immersive moments that made us feel truly alive—are being wiped out.
Keep Your Tapas, I Want Magic
So I ask, how much is left for an adult like me? Because right now, it feels like the parks are saying, "You're too old for the magic, but here's a pretzel with artisanal mustard." No, ma'am. I came for the full fantasy, including the rides, the wonder, and the joy, not just the snacks.
If I'm paying a three-digit ticket price, I want more than just upscale dining and a themed cocktail. I want the full-throttle joy of a theme park built for me, too. Because queer adulthood doesn't mean outgrowing the fun. It means knowing how to have more of it—just in better outfits.
Written by Daryl Marez | Hiya! Subscribe to my author newsletter to receive news & project updates—Check out my other links for more.